Rooted and Established in Love

So we had MOPS on Tuesday. I was eager to go, and made the extra effort to get David and I out the door on time.
I have been feeling a little (ok, a lot) isolated, the days seem to go by quickly but the weeks seem to take forever, and I feel like I've already been away from 'home" (Washington) for 6 months instead of 6 weeks. See, being new in the community, and fairly far from any sort of real town (our town consists of a post office, a bank, a gas station, some bars, a couple churches and a school), there isn't a lot to leave the house for. Bella of course gets picked up by the bus every weekday to go to school, and David and I go to the post office to check for mail once a week (a big outing for us!), sometimes if the weather is nice we go to the park, but other than that, we go in to Williston (about a 40 minute drive, with traffic) about once a month for groceries.  In the opposite direction, there is about a 30 minute drive to Watford City, which is where Per works, we go to church and David and I go to MOPS twice a month. We take every opportunity to visit with the few (but wonderful) new friends we have made here, and I am so grateful for these blessings. But coming from living right downtown within walking distance to just about anything I needed or wanted to do or buy, this is kind of a big transition. Especially since we basically moved out here and then Per had to move to Bismarck for 3 months, leaving the kids and I virtually all alone on the prairie. I am very thankful he gets to come home on weekends!  (I know, it's not the 1800's but it kind of may as well be, I feel like I am on a planet far removed from all I know and am used to. Like, if I had to put on an oxygen tank every time I opened my front door  because the air was different, it wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Fixing up our house and making it a home took up my time for the first month, but organizing the same small space can only be done for so long before I need to find something else to occupy my time. So this is the 'lay of the land" in my heart and my thoughts as I walked into MOPS on Tuesday morning. Eager for something else to do, wanting to connect with others in a meaningful way, longing to be a part of something bigger than our four walls, wondering what on earth God could have for ME out here on the prairie. If it was just to be a support to my husband in pursuing HIS dreams, well, I guess that would be enough, but I know that isn't how God works. He doesn't just have a plan for one family member - he has a plan for each family member. I would just be open and hope God would show me how I could be productive and useful in a way that I could feel like I was making a purposeful contribution to life in some way that was fulfilling to me as well.

When our MOPS group leader opened up the morning with an announcement that there were a couple of guest speakers from the McKenzie County DSHS Foster department,(I'm sure that's not their actual name, but whatever),my ears perked up instantly. Fostering, and even adopting, are subjects that Per and I have talked about on several occasions.
There was a plea for foster families - loving people were desperately needed to open their hearts and their homes to children. There are only 2 licensed foster homes in our entire county. And with the huge influx of people coming into this area for work plus the high stress, long hour jobs, the cases of children needing these services has unfortunately risen to the point where there are not enough foster homes
 to take these children. I was tensed on the edge of my seat with a lump in my throat and tears smarting my nose. I kept trying to look nonchelant like everyone else but felt for sure there must be a pulsing beacon of light emanating from my body. Oh, wait, that was just my heart - in my throat.

What the heck! Lord, really? Are you kidding? There are so many reasons this would not be a good idea right now. We can barely fit into our trailer with just the 4 of us. We don't live in a super neighborhood - kids can't even really play outside here! I don't have access to very many resources here. I barely know my way around. haven't we been going through enough change and uncertainty? I couldn't grow attached to a child only to have them ripped away and put back with the people they were taken away from for VERY GOOD REASONS!

Oh, thank You for reminding me of the story of the good samaritan, Lord. Helpful. Yes, I am sure they may have had some of the very same objections.
Why are You asking me if I trust You? That doesn't seem like a very fair question. I followed You all the way out here and have been trusting You for so much!
Well, no. I'm not saying there should be a limit on how much I should trust You for. Just that maybe I could, just, you know, take a break between trusting, or like, maybe You could pick smaller things for a while?
Hello? Hello? Oh, man. He hung up. Or is it just a bad connection? Oh, I guess that's on MY end.
Well, Lord, I can't just sit here in MOPS and make this kind of decision on my own without talking to Per about it. {glancing at phone}
OK, I hear you. I can text him. But this could take a while for him to get on board so don't expect any (miracles?) snap decisions.
[ME, Texting Per]: So I know this is out of left field, but what would you think of becoming foster parents? There are only 2 families here in McKenzie County, and the social workers are begging for families to get licensed. I know it's a lot to think about but..."
[Per, replying almost instantly]: What's to think about? Let's do it!
[Me, sputtering incredulously]: Really? Are you sure? Are you kidding?
[Per]: It would be an awesome way to serve.

OK, so, thank you Lord for that humbling conversation. I am jumping out of my skin in my excitement. Where do I sign, where do we start? My heart is bursting. This is an answer to so many prayers on so many levels, some I didn't even know existed within me until this very day. But I feel like saul on the road to Damascus - scales have been peeled from my eyes and my heart instantly and I feel fundamentally somehow that I will not ever be the same person again. This is like a 2x4 to the head. In a good way, because it's God's 2x4.
I took the information and forms packet as David and I left, and as soon as I got home, I called the social worker, who kindly answered some first questions and set an appointment to come out to our house and talk with me next Thursday, the 25th.

I know all of this may sound a little crazy. I just don't feel like I can apologize for it. I am not sorry. I can't explain it. I know this is the right thing to do because I know it came directly from God to me. I have no idea how it all will work and I have a lot more questions than answers. It doesn't really matter. I am just as sure that this is the right thing to do as I was that following Per to North Dakota was the right thing to do. Not easy, but right. And I would rather do the hardest thing on earth with the Lord's seal of approval than the easiest thing on earth without it. (And I can easily see that letting go might actually be one of the hardest things on earth.)

Per and I have had several discussions about this since Tuesday, and I am so amazed and grateful for his heart to serve in this way. He is as excited as I am! When I expressed my gratitude at his willingness to do this with me, he simply said, "There is a reason the Lord put us together, Staci." Yes, of course that is true.

This morning, I was reading in Ephesians and although I am not trying to take anything out of context, I couldn't help but be warmed by the way the passage hit me. It was Ephesians 3:14-20. the part that hit me was "I pray that you, being ROOTED and ESTABLISHED in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to GRASP how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." I felt like this was God's way of speaking directly to my heart about why WE, Per and I, would be called to foster children who would be coming to us at such a critical, vulnerable, scarey and possibly painful point in their little lives: to not only provide a physically safe and secure home for them, but also and most importantly, for however long we would be called to care for them, to establish and root them in the amazing love of Christ, to give them the gift of the opportunity to experience  a love that surpasses their understanding.

He even showed me through this passage that this kind of love only He can give, I will not have enough for these little ones on my own. Or for sure their biological parents. But God will. God can do it through us if He calls us to let him work through us in this way.
Am I scared to death? Well, yes I am. I would be crazy not to be. I am scared I won't be able to give them what they need while at the same time as giving my own family what they need. I am scared I won't be able to let them go. {Perfect love casts out fear. I AM love. Trust ME. Cast all your cares on Me, for I am the One caring for YOU. And these Children.}

I am scared. But I am more excited than I have been in a long time. I can not WAIT to get licensed and get this ball rolling. I can't wait to make a difference in the life of a child who needs our family.