Follow Through

David pulled his arm out of it's socket tonight after he went to bed, somehow, not really clear on how exactly. He just started crying, which escalated to screaming in pain (he is not a screamer, so I was quite alarmed), and when I hurried in, he was crying, "I pulled on my arm and now it's broken!"

I did a quick check of his arm to make sure it was, indeed, out of it's socket. sure enough, it was just laying limply at his side. "Hold on baby, don't try to move. It's not broken. Mommy is going to call daddy so he can help us fix it." I ran to grab my cell phone and called Per and thank God he answered. I knew he would be able to talk me through putting Davids arm back into the socket - unfortunately it's something we're familiar with, as David has had this issue with his left arm before, the doctors say some kids just have loose joints, and he should grow out of it eventually. We had to do this by phone once last winter while Per was working in ND and the kids and I were in Washington. It worked easily and  quickly that time, with hardly a tear shed. 

So with Per on speakerphone, I  had to get David out of his bunk bed, and the easiest way I could think to do it without moving/hurting his arm more in the position he was in was just to take the blanket he was laying on, wrap it around him and lift it like a hammock. He screamed so loud, my own tears started flowing to be the one causing him so much pain. This was by far the worst episode yet. I could barely hear Per directing me on the speaker phone over David's screaming and crying. 

As Per instructed me step by step, I sat David on the floor in front of me with his back tucked into my chest and cupped his left elbow with my left hand, thumb on the inside of his elbow, and grasped his left hand with my right hand. "Now, pull out on his forearm for traction and then bring the hand slowly up towards the shoulder. "   That is supposed to result in the joint popping back into place.

The first try resulted in a lot of resistance and screaming, but no popping. Trying to calm David, I told him that I had to try again, and that I was trying to help him feel better, but it was going to hurt a little bit more until we could get it to pop back in. Rousing speech for a 3 year old to hear. He wasn't impressed, and he cried harder.
Try #2, nothing. See if you can guess how loud David was screaming and crying and how bad I wanted to stop, because what I was doing was causing even more pain. But his arm was still hanging limply at his side when I let it down, and he couldn't move it on his own. Every movement was causing him so much pain. I knew I couldn't stop but I felt so inadequate.  "Per, it's not working!" I was frantic. He was steady as a rock. I am so grateful for him and his knowledge of how to handle situations like that. Even over the phone.

Finally on the third try, I felt the 'pop', and knew the arm was back in, but because it had been such an effort to get it back in, David was still in pain for some time after.  I just held him and rocked him until his tense little body relaxed against me and both of our tears began to subside. Per comforted us both over the phone, told David how much he loved him, and then said goodbye. Did I mention how grateful I am to have him? I gave David some medicine (and a bite of ice cream), and held him on the couch until he seemed calm. When I finally tucked him in, we talked over how his fingers were moving and prayed that he would feel all better by tomorrow. Then he fell asleep.

Watching him sleep, I began to think about how much stuff parents have to do that they just don't want to do. That they would give anything to not have to do.  And I can't help making the connection between what I had to do to David tonight to fix his arm and how God's 'manipulations' sometimes hurt like this when He is working in our lives.  How David pulled his own arm out of the socket. How he pulled away from me, resisting me, fighting the efforts I was making to help him stop being in pain. When he would hold perfectly still, the pain would be greatly less. When I would manipulate his arm, it would cause extreme pain. But there was no other way to end the pain but to follow through on the course I started.  He didn't understand why I would hurt him so bad, which, in turn, was very hard for me to bear.  How sometimes we as parents back away from being the cause of our children's pain, even when in order to truly make them better, the task needs to be followed through. Even when the pain may hurt us more than it even hurts them. 

This is the time, I think, when our children are small, that is the easiest.  When we can fix them with a little manipulation, hugs, kisses, a bit of medicine and ice cream. They may fight us when what we have to do to keep them safe and healthy doesn't seem fun or feel good. 

But fast forward a few years to when much larger issues are at stake - issues of the heart, the mind, the soul. When what we did here and now impacts how they accept what we have to do there and then. They need to be able to accept our manipulations, our directions, and to begin to make hard decisions of their own. Where will the ability to follow through in difficulty  be if they don't learn it from their parents? It was hard to cause David pain tonight. But it wasn't hard to make the decision to follow through because it was very clear to me that it was the only way to fix the problem and end the pain. 

My prayer is that God will make it just as clear to me when my children are in other kinds of pain and danger, things that aren't as physically obvious. Things that could potentially endanger their souls, or hurt their hearts. And yes, even physically threaten them. God help me to follow through when my kids may even hate me for it because they don't understand or see the bigger picture. Help me to remember, too,  that this was just a tiny taste of how Your heart hurts when you have to apply traction to my life, causing temporary discomfort to bring me to a place of safety and comfort in the long run. Thank You for following through on the tough stuff. Thank You for your example.